I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
