i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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