you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
