A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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