it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Randomize
