38 yer olds are good kisserssss
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
