Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
