everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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