wanna go halves on a baby?
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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