he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
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