I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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