woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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