I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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