Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
they're like a gay fantastic four
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Randomize
