why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
