I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
