I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
