gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
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He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
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You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
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