Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
