Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
