I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
