after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
