Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
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