so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
