Your face is a jimmy john
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize