so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
