The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I'm too high and old for this...
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
