I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
