worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
