it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
