Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
