The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
