I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
