Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
