Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
This baby is an asshole
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
