soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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