the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
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