You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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