what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
