Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
