I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
