My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
