You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
