i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
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I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
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I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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