Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
