I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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