just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
he just fucked me for my cheese.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
