glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Randomize
