is your mom at the bar?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
