the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
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It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
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You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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