Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize