this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
you had me at cake vodka
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
