i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
