she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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