Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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