It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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