hotel room ftw
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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