how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
