Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
