What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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