so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
