Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
