I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
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