either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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