I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
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How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
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just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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