No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Is Oprah even human
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
