Small penises have feelings too.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Randomize
