Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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