i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
