i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
