haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
