just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
