i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
