You can't motorboat a personality
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
